Book

Coming Soon!! “Healing, Loving, and Learning” one woman’s journey through fear

An exert from the book:

Once upon a time, a life time, a place, a world, a night, oh hell just some time ago. There was a girl that longed for love as all girls do. She was looking for that knight in shinning armor, the one to take her to the castle. The one we all hope was full of love, but since the story never gets that far we don’t really know do we. After the knight takes her riding off into the sunset we never know what happens next. It is just all too confusing what happens to the knight and the girl. We are told they live happily ever after but what is happy and where is ever after?

There is the love, and the knight, and the damsel who is always in distress. Tell me why is she in distress? And why does the knight have to rescue her? You know it never really happens, for the knight is always so confused he never knows his horse from his ass so how could he ever rescue the girl. But what he really did was mess it all up with his macho brave image. That image that society and culture told him was right.  The image that did not allow him to show his feelings or emotions. The one that looks so crazy yes that is the one the “hay look at me I am a knight with a horses.” He never has a plan and it seems so sad that we all end up hurt the knight and the girl. We all endure alone scared and confused as to why the knight can not get it together to perform the impossible feat of making everyone happy. The knight burns out under all the pressure to be perfect and the girl gets confused as to where her strength is. Does it reside with the knight or is it in her own heart who is the hero and why does the story just end with everyone so confused.

Who has the voice, and who has the right to speak, and who will be listening? How do we decipher all this confusion? Why are there always so many questions? I want to believe in the goodness of men. I want to believe they have a good heart that they are honest and noble knights but by God that is not what I see all around me. But my heart wants to believe that some where there still is goodness that is not only worth dying for but living for. So I sit here and ask God can I have my knight not even sure that I really want one. I had thought I had found one long ago but all that ever came from that was one heart ache after another and just one more lie to take. He calls to say he is missing me and he loves me all the while he is looking for someone else and he does not even have the courage to tell me so. That is my knight the one hiding in the corner with blinders on. At least I think that is him it is hard for me to tell as I can not see past my own blinders.

No one wants to see the truth everyone just wants to feel good even when that good is so false and empty. No one wants to be alone and they will tell you so as they sit alone on the bench of life and cry out for something more. So this girl looks and looks and begged God for love all the while so afraid that if it really showed up she would just pack her bags and run away. That if it looked even a little bit strange she would hide and blame God for not bring it to her. The fear of really getting what she wanted just scared the hell out of her and she hide in her bed under her covers and dreamed of what she wanted never taking the risk to go after it. Never opening her door or her heart to it and never trusting that God could really be good on his word to bring love to her because if it really happened and her knight knocked on her door what would she do how would she tell herself that the lies she had told herself about being unlovable and unworthy of love where really lies that she was really loveable that all her fears where just that fears and that they held no power over her,

How would she embrace the truth and experience the thrill of being in love this scared her into denying that it could really be real. So alone she sits and writes and dreams and cries out for love. For that is the once upon a time she is choosing to believe in. but I can not help but ask myself what would happen if she just opened up even for one moment and believed in love as she had when she was small. If she just let her heart believes in the dream that the princess really did get the prince and live happily ever after.